Pamir Road Trip

: In Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan they don’t have traditional rent-a-car places like Dollar or Budget, but instead have a bunch of informal ways to rent cars through tour companies. The tour company I used which is based in Osh, Visit Alay, doesn’t have their own fleet of rental cars but instead contacts people in the community based on demand, saying, “Hey, these foreigners are coming and wanna rent an SUV – how’d you like to make a few extra bucks by letting them use yours for a week or so?” and the company and the vehicle owners split the profits. They charge $100/day for usage in Kyrgyzstan, $120/day for Tajikistan and allow you to drop the car off in Dushanbe for an extra $200. I planned on using the rental car from Bishkek (they don’t charge a delivery fee for bringing the car to you from Osh to Bishkek) down to Ishkashim from where I’d cross into Afghanistan sans car while my buddy Konrad with whom I’d be doing this trip would continue on by himself and drop the car off in Dushanbe. We had seven full days to get the car from Bishkek to Dushanbe.

Kyrgyzstan

Bishkek to Osh

: I got to Bishkek like three or four days before the day we planned on leaving so I could adjust to the time zone. I spent those three or four days aimlessly wandering through the city. Here’s a church I came across

: The botanical gardens which weren’t really so much botanical gardens as they were just a semikempt forest preserve area that ran through the city. Nice place for a stroll

: A discarded bottle of Ron Burgandy’s sex panther

: Happy Kid…day care center, I assume?

: OMG!!! People in Bishkek are so racist! Shame on yall!

: “Local bear” – I thought this was funny because that’s the way my dad would pronounce the word “beer” which I assume is what they meant to say. I don’t think they’re cutting up and blending bears and serving them in liquid form to visitors here at Tunduk Hostel where, I must add, I had a most pleasant stay in a private room for ten bucks a night

: Obama Bar and Grill. I went to this place the first time I visited Bishkek back in May 2013 and thought the concept was so funny that I had to go back there this time around

: The food’s actually pretty good. This is the only time, however, that I’d ever been given gloves with which to eat a hamburger. I mean, it worked. My fingers remained grease-free throughout the meal. But…it just felt kinda fuckin weird. Reminds me of when Ali G was trying to sell his idea for ice cream gloves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48TR0vUPQCs

: Here at this roadside stand which is one of hundreds you’ll see while driving along the highway in Kyrgyzstan during the summer, this woman is selling kurut (those bags of cheesy, dried yogurt balls there on the left), jars of honey (on the bottom right) and on top of the jars of honey in the old Coke bottles filled with white stuff is a treat known as kumyz which is essentially fermented mare’s milk. The cheese/yogurt balls and the kumyz are pretty rough for the unaccustomed palette. Didn’t buy any honey this time around, but I remember it being pretty good back in 2013

: As the sun sets on day one

: Kyrgyz home which we’d been standing in front of while taking the photo previous

: Park in Toktogul through which I took an early morning stroll

: Ferris wheel at the park during sunrise. If you look closely, you can see three kids climbing up this thing. There’s one on each side of the axle in the middle and then there’s another kid halfway up the bottom right leg of it

: Hey, don’t you kids think it’s kind of early in the morning to be climbing dangerous, rickety old shit like that? Ain’t that more of a clandestine nighttime activity?

: Some o’ that red

: Some o’ that blue

: Damn, that’s some clear water!

Osh to Tajikistan Border

: Guys in Osh deciding whether or not they think it’d be possible to get into Tajikistan with a falsified e-visa

: The trailer ‘hood

: Kyrgyz wedding

: On the morning of what I believe had been the third day when we started to get some real elevation, we heard a loud pop from the back and quickly pulled over, thinking we’d blown the rear tire on the passenger side of the vehicle. The tires were fine and after a minute of investigation, Konrad found that one of his containers of oats had exploded due to the change in air pressure

: Sary Tash

: Small shop in Sary Tash

: Grandma and kid next to small shop in Sary Tash

: Kyrgyz dudes

: Yurt we saw after having taken a wrong turn out of Sary Tash and started heading to the Chinese border instead of towards the Tajikistan border

: Final stretch to the border with Tajikistan

: One of the border guards pointed to this penis on the back windshield and sternly said, “Hey! What is this!?” I replied, “I dunno what that is. I didn’t do it.” He stared at me and I just stared back at him. Seconds later, he broke the act, started laughing and said, “It’s okay, it’s okay. No problem.”

: No man’s land between the Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan border posts

Tajikistan

Kyrgyzstan Border to Murghab

: Behind this car in the queue to enter Tajikistan

: Heading towards Karakol Lake which, at 3,960m, sits a good hundred meters higher than Lake Titicaca

: Place where we planned on having lunch alongside Karakol Lake until we got attacked by swarms of the most persistent, freakishly hungry zombie mosquitoes I’ve ever encountered in all my life. Each toting bags of food for our planned picnic, after walking for no more than two minutes Konrad and I ended up running back to the car, quickly shutting the door and swatting at all the mosquitoes that covered our clothes and our exposed flesh while others repeatedly crashed into the windows on the outside of the vehicle hoping to get a taste of our sweet, sweet blood

: Old ride built into someone’s crib

: Home on the range

: Same home, closer view

: Me trying to capture these boner-inducing mountains on camera as we head up to Ak-Baital Pass which, at 4,655m, is the highest point on the Pamir Highway

: Sweet

: Rollin’ along the top of the pass

: Same here a bit further along

: And coming down here on the other side as we make our way to Murghab for the evening

: Cow in Murghab

: Bowl over which they slaughter animals. Could smell this shit from a mile away

: Really like the depiction of middle fingers being given here

: Oh, so…no fun?

: The Playboy bunny on my pillow here at the guesthouse just seems so out of place next to the stereotypically old-lady bouquet, heart and polkadot design

Murghab to Khorog

: German motorcyclists gearing up to leave the guesthouse in Murghab

: Headin’ out of town

: The old dusty trail

: I thought it would be funny to piss my name onto the highway

: Not 100% sure, but I think the name of this one was Bulunkul Lake

: Lunch along the river (call me an ignoramus, but I’m not sure which one it is during this particular stretch of road – could be the Pamir River or the Panj) that forms the border between Tajikistan and Afghanistan

: Konrad gazing out yonder

: Bros enjoying the view of Afghanistan (photo courtesy of @pohlak88)

: I’m gonna jump! (photo courtesy of @pohlak88)

: Pamiri ass-riders

: Dippin’ into the Wakhan Valley

: Dinner at our guesthouse in Langar

: Calendar in our room at the same guesthouse in Langar

: Big ol’ valley

: Pamiri gas station

: How they fill ‘er up in the Wakhan

: Kid watching us get gas

: A view of Yamchun Fortress

: View over the valley from the fortress

: According to caravanistan.com, Yamchun Fortress was built in the 3rd century BC and is locally referred to as “Zamr-I Atisht Parasht” which means “the fortress of the fire worshipers”

: What amazes me is how this fortress has withstood the test of time without any mortar holding all these stones together

: When I saw the name of this village I pictured an old toothless hillbilly sitting on a rocking chair on his front porch with a big log of shit in one hand and a knife in the other which he’s using to meticulously fashion some sort of figurine out of the feces

: Bridge over the Panj River which serves as the Ishkashim border crossing between Tajikistan and Afghanistan. This is where I crossed over to spend a couple weeks hiking on the other side while Konrad returned the car to Dushanbe and flew back home to his normal life. When I returned after my visit to Afghanistan, I hitchhiked from here to Khorog

Khorog to Dushanbe

: View of Khorog from above

: While I was wandering around these mean streets of Khorog, a family invited me to their home for lunch. The man and the woman were super friendly and both spoke pretty good English. They were both government officials but only made something insulting like sixty dollars a month and, as such, still grew the majority of their own food which they stock up and store to make it through the winter months

: Typical Khorog crib

: Gate

: I saw a group of teenagers jump into this ice-cold river and start swimming as fast as they could. Since the water is already moving quite swiftly as it is, with them swimming on top of it, it looked like they were moving along at at least forty miles per hour before safely clambering out a bit down the way. Don’t think I’d have the balls to do that

: Strange place in my opinion to profess your love for Allah, but to each their own

: The bride and groom’s car in a wedding I encountered while exploring the town

: A taste of President Emomali Rahmon’s cult of personality

: A lot of the scenery between Khorog and Dushanbe looked more or less like this – a river running along the side of the road

: The mashrutka (shared taxi) I was in for the 12+ hour ride between Khorog and Dushanbe was a total piece of shit. I feel like the car’s interior was directly connected to the gas tank. The fumes were so palpable that they were giving me a sore throat. The driver was, unfortunately, just as shitty as his vehicle had been. Here’s a photo of the guy – a legit madman – trying to repair damage done to his van’s bottom after he smashed it into a massive pothole, sending himself and all eight passengers (who of course didn’t have seatbelts) headfirst into the roof of the vehicle. Thankfully no one was injured…or at least we didn’t think we were because we’d all been thoroughly anesthetized by all the gas fumes

: At a different point in the ride, the driver (pictured behind me trying to repair the hatch of his van) hit another big-ass pothole at an unsafe speed, causing the hatch to pop open and sending everyone’s belongings tumbling out the back onto the road

: Here’s how drinks are refrigerated at roadside restaurants along the Pamir Highway

: The sexiest name for a brand of toilet paper that I’ve ever seen

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