Georgia

Tbilisi

: This was my first exposure to the Georgian alphabet. If I had to guess what it says, I’d roll with, “Pedophile Art Studio: I specialize in painting naked children.”

: Hips don’t lie

: Did you know that supreme Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin had once been a young Georgian chap named Ioseb Jughashvili?

: CCCP – Cyrillic denotation of the Soviet Union

: Geezer statue near the Azerbaijani consulate where I’d been handling visa issues

: A billboard ad for EAD or Elvis American Diner

: Just like in Armenia and Azerbaijan, a lot of people in Georgia tend to wear black jackets all the time…

: …except this rebel who stood out in his ridiculous purple windbreaker.

: Typical-looking Georgian Orthodox church

: From a distance I saw this building that looked like it was about to tip over.

: Guess it was designed that way…bizarre

: There were a lot of head statues all over Tbilisi. Whose heads they were, I haven’t a clue.

: Icabod Crane lookin’ asses

: Gimme mo’ head

: Beat-up apartment complex in the same area

: Side of the same building in the picture previous

: Apartment building down the street

: Georgians love to booze

: In fact, Georgians love to booze so much that I saw this little personal reminder posted on the dashboard of a car I’d been walking past.

: Mmm…You can really taste the KLASIK

: Beer nuts – You know they’re good when the can’s got a mustache guy giving the thumbs-up on it

: Georgian Lari. 1USD=Approximately1.6GEL

: When you fold Georgian Lari a certain way, the images on the currency look blowjobbingly gay

: Beat the Meatles

: Monument of St. George slaying a dragon in Freedom Square

: Local cab driver named Irakli which sounds kind of like how Scooby Doo would pronounce the word “exactly”

: I paid Irakli to drive me out to David Gareja Monastery one day and it almost turned into a huge disaster. I’ll one day soon be writing about the incident.

: Get shitfaced – Commie style

: Classic Tbilisi porch

: Classic Tbilisi dude smoking a cig under the classic Tbilisi porch in the picture previous

: Average-looking Tbilisi building

: “The Mater Fuckers”

: Old Soviet ads…

: Ditto

: Same

: Dude hossing a bottle of vodka on the steps midday

: Hairy Georgian dude

: “Peace At All!” “Make Love Not War”

: “8 Rules of Religion” – Fight Club lookin’ asses

: Angry Birds is EVERYWHERE

: Middle Finger

: Giorgi Leonidze

: Georgian woman takin’ a load off at the park

: At the park, people would lay out all their shit and try to sell it

: Got enough knives there, guy?

: Pot dealer

: One of the venders up close

: I shoulda bought that Commodores album

: Using the hood of a crap car to sell their crap

: I’d been taking a picture of this boss when…

: …this strange glittery woman also wanted a photo.

: As did the pervert she was with.

: At the park there’d been an outdoor art exhibition, so, naturally, I had to pop in…

: Tbilisi

: Same

: Tooting their own horns

: Tbilisi porches

: “Burrrrrr!” – Gucci Mane

: Old dudes playing chess near the art

: Me squeezin’ a titty

: Just watchin’ the world go by…

: My French buddy Alain pretending to have his portrait drawn

: A church in the distance with the word “fuck” written in graffiti at the bottom. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “fuck” is the most commonly spray-painted word on walls all over the world.

: Don’t ask me why, I just felt compelled to photograph this pile of shit I came across on the sidewalk

: Just strolling along

: Another Tbilisi street view with…

: …more beautiful, seemingly ready-to-fall-off-the-building’s-façade porches.

: Local building – old country style

: …

: Creepy gangway leading to a back alley

: A wedding gown store appropriately named “Marriage”

: “Excuse me, can I buying newspaper from you?”

: “Yeah, what’s the address?…46 Incoherent Squiggle Street?…Yeah, yeah, okay – I got it.”

: MMMkay

: Statue Boy

: Bag Lady

: Laundry day

: Abanotubani – the ancient district of Tbilisi

: Grown-up kid walking on rails for fun

: Old dudes playing “bored” games

: Abanotubani

: On the left is the entrance to the sulfur baths

: Church by night

: Too bad they didn’t have baby back “reabs”

: “Where now?” You tell me, motherfucker!

: Chaplin

: “Love Always Wins” with a person burning in a fire thinking of infinity. I’m still not quite sure how to interpret this street art as of yet

: “Sorry, where is Contemporary Art Museum???” “3 Little Pigs”

: Wonder if the “3 Little Pigs” had any relation to this “Pig Destroyer” tag I saw a mile away

: “Animals Have Rights” The right to taste delicious?

: Boats & hos, boats & hos, gotta have me more boats & hos

: Church’s Chicken operates outside North America as Texas Chicken

: Freedom Square in the p.m.

: Named Lenin Square during the Soviet era, the Lenin statue formerly overlooking Freedom Square was brought down in 1991

: “Open heart, open mind”…open legs?

: General Georgian sentiment

: Alain doin’ a SUCK IT! in front of the Georgian flag

: Fuckin’ Chuck Norris

: Lost Love? Is that what that says?

: Da fuck?

: A “windows of Tbilisi” poster

: The Georgian Parliament building

: I shoulda bought that Limp Bizkit wristband…what the hell was I thinking?

: Tbilisi lookin’ fresh

: Tracksuit Boy

: Crossing his legs to hide his boner

: Man writing at a table in the park

: Ancient woman

: Nice local building right across from…

: …this bridge housing an assload of graffiti.

: East Cost Slayers or Players? Either way, their crew is being discredited by the dripping donger there in the picture

: “I have a drem” that I will one day learn how to spell words in the English language

: “Georgia, I will miss you” Where’s it going?

: West side in this motherfucker

: Beastie Boys shit

: This one confused me. I’m pretty sure the artist is calling for more human rights but the message is just plain ol’ sloppy

: John

: The sun will come out tomorrow

: In the heart on the right is a Georgian flag. Perhaps the one on the left is Estonian?

: Heartbreaker

: “Kill Me. I am Bill”

: A squirrel on crack riding the peace train

: For some reason, I can totally picture Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat living here…or better yet – that dude with the yellow and black shirt you have to find in Where’s Waldo books.

: Modern Tbilisi

: Presidential Palace

: Presidential Palace from further away

: Casino – Ding ding ding ding ding ding!!!

: Church with Kartlis Deda atop that hill there in the background

: Kartlis Deda – The Mother Georgia statue on the hill overlooking the city. In her left hand is a bowl of wine to greet those who come as friends and a sword in her right for those who come as enemies

: The Bridge of Peace spanning the Kura River

: Massive stone piano

: Holy Trinity Cathedral – the main Cathedral of the Georgian Orthodox Church in Tbilisi

: One of the not-so-renovated houses I came across wandering through the capital

: Where da extreme makeovers at?

: Please tell me this isn’t a wheelchair ramp

: Three men and a penis

: Old man walking in front of a tragically beat-to-shit building

: The front door of the building in the photo previous. She’s beautiful.

: Love to fuck or…

: …Fuck Love?

: Pretty much all Georgian license plates had three letters and three numbers. This one said “TIT”…

: …”LOL”

: Just an average-ass window I felt like takin’ a picture of

: Mural on a wall

: Another mural

: Now walk it out

: Too funny

: Ciggy vender

: Awesome building

: Door of that same building

: Building from the front

: Cable car to the top of the hill

: Equestrian statue of King Vakhtang Gorgasali in the historic Metekhi neighborhood of Tbilisi as seen from the cable car

: View from the cable car

: View of the city from the top

: Man at the top of the hill

: Back down in the town, I saw a staircase leading to a creepy underpass with a tag offering “Free Hugs”

: On that same staircase, it said “If you never try, you’ll never know!!!” I’m okay with never knowing about the free hugs in the dark dingy corridor.

: Big head dude

: Child playing on the monument

: I’d do those drawings

: Tbilisi time

: “Fuck You Beach” Man, that guy must really not like sand

: Fuck da Po-po

: I didn’t cut off the last word of this thought, someone just didn’t conclude what it was that they’d rather fuck instead of doing

: “Polis, Go and ‘Fack’ Yourself”

: Some crazy head

: First Wendy’s I spotted abroad. Wish it’d been open at the time

: Instead, I ate McDonald’s to alleviate my homesickness. Doesn’t it look like it says “PORN” with a backwards “N?”

: Speaking of McDonalds porn, the wall of the restaurant said “buns, desire” and “pleasure.” What you tryin’ to tell me McDonalds?

: Locals hangin’ on a statue outside Mickey D’s

: Toilet graffiti

: “Fuck the system” Agreed

: Georgian National Academy of Sciences

: Theater troupe?

: One last door for good measure

David Gareja

: Irakli filling his car with natural gas to drive me out to the David Gareja monastery complex

: Just chillin’ across from the gas station in front of a building painted in colors typically associated with hot dog stands

: The road to David Gareja was surrounded by endless, hilly green pastures that looked like the ones the Teletubbies roam around in

: Farm

: Cattle crossing

: Way out in the distance, I saw this big white spot moving along the side of a hill which turned out to be…

: …a huge flock of sheep

: “‘T’ for t-time to leave?”

: My driver, Irakli, with a Jesus piece hangin’ from his rear view mirror

: The terrain as we pulled up to the monastery which sits along the border with Azerbaijan

: Here’s where Irakli dropped me off and told me to hike up that hill on the right

: View from the base of the hill

: One of the first monastic structures spotted along the climb

: View of the 6th century David Gareja Monastery from the top

: Same deal, but more focused on the main attraction

: Church

: Georgian Orthodox priest with a sick Jesus piece

: Around the complex

: View from higher up as I continued the climb

: Little boy torture chamber?

: View of the complex from the other side

: Same, but closer

: Do’ wit a cross on it

: View from inside the complex

: Rooms carved into the rock

: Church

: Exterior wall

: Another do’

: View of my exit

: Sign I saw while returning to the hostel

: Always good to see the stars and bars while abroad