Turkey

Istanbul

: Taken from across a body of water known as the Golden Horn, here is a photo of the Galata/Karakoy neighborhood in Istanbul

: As seen in the photo previous, this is the Galata Tower which was built in 1348, stands at 219 feet tall and was only a half-block away from my hostel.

: Fisherman selling bait along the Galata Bridge

: Fisherman up close

: The Hagia Sophia as seen on nice bright day

: Shoes getting shined

: On my way to the Grand Bazaar

: Just outside the entrance

: Nuruosmaniye Gate, entrance to the Grand Bazaar

: With over 3000 shops, the Grand Bazaar is one of the largest and oldest covered markets in the world.

: The GB attracts between 250,000 and 400,000 visitors daily

: Beardo at the bazaar

: Same dude facialized

: Twisty ‘stache in the jewelry section

: Old building in the Karakoy neighborhood

: Face made of rotten, severed fingers?

: My Iranian buddy Mahdi

: Midget mannequins

: How’s this for US-Iranian relations? SUCK IT!

: Thought this drawing on a bench kind of looked like a zombie version of Will Smith

: Street near Taksim Square

: Lots of street musicians play on Istiklal Avenue, a 1.4 kilometer pedestrian street spanning from Galata Tower to Taksim Square

: Rowdy Roddy Pied Piper

: Bums getting drunk in the afternoon near Galata Tower

: Models twerking on a motorbike

: Corridor near Galata Tower

: Earning a living

: Christian church I found tucked away off Istiklal Avenue

: Courtyard around the church and a little corridor leading back to Istiklal

: One of the trippiest crucifix sculptures I’ve ever seen. Looks twisted as hell

: Turkey is close to 99% Muslim

: Handing out pamphlets for Turkish communist party

: Istiklal Avenue – PACKED. Istanbul has a population of close to 14 million.

: The historic red tram that goes up and down Istiklal

: Turks

: Nationalistic stuff

: From a strange photo gallery on Istiklal

: Same

: Victory

: SUCK IT

: Crossing the Galata Bridge to the Eminonu/Fatih district of Istanbul

: “Crap for sale!”

: Dude selling pigeon feed

: Just behind this guy, I’d taken shelter up against the wall when it started raining. I’d been eating ice cream at the time – vanilla to be exact – when one of the birds shit half on my ice cream and half on my hand. Since they were pretty much the same color, I initially thought that my ice cream had started to melt so I went to lick it and, THANKFULLY, at the last minute, saw the black and yellow clumps in the dump. I immediately tossed the cone in the garbage and tried to wash my hands.

: The Hagia Sophia

: H. Sophia from da back. From 537 until 1453, this place served as an Eastern Orthodox Cathedral except between 1204 and 1261 when it was a Roman Catholic cathedral under the Latin empire.

: From May of 1453 until 1931, it served as a mosque.

: View of the vestibule area facing the exterior doors

: Ceiling and window of the vestibule area

: Facing the doors leading to the interior

: In 1931, the Hagia Sophia, which is Latin for “Holy Wisdom,” was secularized. On February 1, 1935, it opened as a museum.

: Massive

: Ceiling

: Muslim shit juxtaposed against Christian shit

: Here is the indentation in the wall known as a “mihrab” that indicates which direction for Muslim worshippers to face while praying. The thing on the right is the “mimbar,” or platform on which the imam sits when giving a sermon.

: Dome

: Eagle Man

: I’m convinced early Christians invented the shocker. So many dudes throw it up in ancient, religious art.

: Golden Boy

: Shocked again

: Time has taken its toll on these ones

: I’m actually surprised the Muslims kept this Christian shit on the wall when they took over

: So worn down

: “Ain’t God just like an overhyped David Blaine?” – Ali G

: “Thou shalt place two in thy pink and one in thy stink”

: Man preparing Turkey’s famous Doner kebabs

: I’d like probably definitely get so many bitches if I lived in that building, mostly, probably, about that.

: Lotto tickets for sale on Istiklal Avenue. I believe that’s a security guard reading the paper there on the right.

: The Republic Monument located in Taksim Square was unveiled on August 8, 1928 to commemorate the 1923 formation of the Turkish republic.

: Taksim Square is a very popular place to feed the birds…

: …or at least be surrounded by them.

: Shittin’ all over the place

: On the bottom right there is a man listening to his iPod and practicing his Dervish dancing.

: Whirling Dervishes whirl as a form of “dhikr,” or “remembrance of God.”

: Here’s a formal Whirling Dervish spin sesh I went to. The guys in the back play the music while…

: …the other guys spin in circles.

: I know it’s pretty shitty of me…

: …but the whole time I sat watching this performance…

: …I really wanted to dump a sack of marbles on the floor and see these guys slippin’ all over the place.

: Two guys down at the bottom poundin’ brews on the park bench in front of a mosque. Despite of the population’s religious preference, attitudes towards alcohol are quite relaxed in Turkey.

: Tag. You’re it.

: Stroll down a random corridor at sunset.

: What better way to reserve your parking spot than with jugs of your own piss?

: Love Bug

: Dump house

: Street view

: Junkers?

: One of the biggest ___fill in the blanks___ I’ve ever seen.

: “You like-a da sauce?”

: “Yo! AHMED!”

: 1USD = approximately 2 Turkish Lira (TRY)

: Bang Bang

: Men fishing on Galata bridge with a view of Suleymaniye Mosque in the background.

: Exterior of Suleymaniye Mosque

: Tissue for sale

: The Fatih neighborhood

: Who buys this shit?

: “I need that like I need another hole in the chin.”

: Fascinated by his cigarette

: I got asked by so many different hawkers if I wanted to buy a carpet that I thought this statue was gonna come to life and start pestering me.

: Kodger

: Time for smoking!

: Crouching puffer, hidden cancer

: Old friends

: The SWASS COLLECTION: Pre-worn pants complete with dried-up perspiration stains on the posterior to help you achieve that elusive ‘sw’eaty ‘ass’ look.

: When I get gay rim from my boyfriend…

: …it makes me cum.

: Would you like to play chess on my chest?

: Street near Suleymaniye Mosque

: Inhale

: Exhale

: I hate my job

: Interesting building at a stop on the ferry between the Karakoy neighborhood on the European side of Istanbul and Kadikoy on the Asian side of the city.

: Giant Pokémon ball on the Kadikoy side?

: Turkish flag featuring Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. With Ataturk meaning “Father of the Turks,” MKA was the first president of the country and is credited with founding the Republic of Turkey.

: Chopper

: Books

: Head

: Brothaz be jammin’

: Would like to eat some hot corn while watching a hot porn

: “Orjinal”

: Feel like this same Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden stencil is used all over the world.

: Dur! Hammertime!

: Cakes

: Stumbled across this weird old record shop which had a bunch of bizarre shit

: Waysted!!!

: Ain’t too short to box my clown if ya know what I mean, eh, eh?

: ‘Stache

: Beardo on Istiklal Avenue

: Graffiti

: This face with a chef’s hat on looked eerily like a nutsack and a dangling penis with a smiley face on the head

: A Turk stretching out Harry Potter’s back?

: Strokin’ that G-string

: The joker in front of Galata Tower

: Why so Turkish?

: Galata Tower

: A man sleeping in his office

: Brilliant ‘stache, mate

: Bieber duffel bag for sale

: The Sultan Ahmed Mosque was built between 1609 and 1616.

: The foot-washing area outside the mosque

: Ceiling inside the Sultan Ahmed Mosque

: Walls

: Different view of the dome

: Old-ass obelisk

: Row houses

: As if breasts didn’t hypnotize me enough naturally!

: The view of Karakoy from Fatih

: Woman near the entrance of Topkapi Palace Museum

: Family portrait at Topkapi

: Muzzin’ around on the bench

: Door inside Topkapi

: The most unappealing name I can think of for a room at a palace

: Bored with Topkapi

Ephesus

: Old Turks chillin’

: The theater of the ancient city of Ephesus from a distance

: With an estimated capacity of 24,000, the Theater is believed to be the largest outdoor theater in the ancient world

: Completed in the second century, this is the Library of Celsus

: It’s widely believed that there was an underground tunnel leading from the library to a nearby brothel. It provides the perfect alibi.

: Second floor window

: Column

: The Gate of Augustus

: Atop the Gate of Augustus

: From the entrance

: Suck dat thang, yo

: I kinda feel like a REALLY strong gust of wind could knock this thing over

: WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT!?

: A panoramic of the beast

: Straight on

: A road to nowhere

: View through the Gate of Augustus

: Wandering about

: Who can I sue if this doorway collapses on my head?

: View of the library from afar

: Stole the head of Jebediah Springfield

: Cup of tea back in town

: Massive bird’s nest

: Flip u the bird

: Apparently, even people in Turkey care about what Justin Bieber is up to

: Hats off to Harper

Pamukkale

: In the background here are the snow white travertine terraces of Pamukkale

: Heading closer. Although it was about 75 degrees on the day I visited, the hill in the background makes it look like I’m about to go skiing.

: In Turkish, “Pamukkale” means “cotton castle.” This particular white “castle” is 8,860 feet long, 1,970 feet wide and 525 feet high.

: Heading towards the top. According to Wikipedia, there are 17 hot springs in the area which carry calcium carbonate. Over the years, calcium carbonate has been deposited over this entire hill by the springs, been hardened and now exists as the travertine terraces.

: Here’s a photo of the dividing line between the normal gravel ground and the area where the travertine terraces begin.

: As shown by these guests carrying their sneakers, shoes are not allowed on the travertines to preserve their natural beauty

: Close-up of where the snowy looking slopes begin

: Here’s one of the hot spring pools on the way up. Pamukkale had a bit of an Antarctica feel to it

: This had to be the most bizarre natural landscape I’ve ever walked on

: Here’s what the ground looks like up close

: Hot spring pools from the top

: People splashing around in the hot springs

: Arctic cave?

: From the even higher hills above the top of the travertines, you could go powered paragliding to get an aerial view of this natural wonder.

: Powered paragliders

: Just like a giant staircase of hot spring pools

: Same view zoomed in a bit

: This is what the top of the hill looked like

: Quite different

: It was hard for me to comprehend all these plants growing atop this massive, Arctic looking hill

: HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?

: View of the town where all the hotels and such are

: View the other way

: Speedo for splashing around in the hot springs

: Here is a different vantage point from the top

: Shit was crazy

: Over there by all the people is the area where I climbed up

: Travertine SUCK IT

: Go for swim?

: Heading back down

: Bathers heading up

: One last shot of one of the hot spring pools

Aphrodisias

: Upon walking in the front gate here…

: …there were old coffins scattered all over the grounds.

: There seemed to be more of them than they knew what to do with

: Up for an afternoon munging, anyone?

: Pimp my coffin

: Smokin’ ‘n’ coffin

: Wake up and smell the coffin

: Stabby

: Stoned

: Cowardly Lion

: Demon

: Swamp columns

: Two modern shit shacks built right by…

: …the monumental gateway, or tetrapylon.

: The monumental gateway was built around 200 AD

: From beneath the gateway

: A look from the other side

: The stadium

: Nosebleed seats

: Panoramic

: From the field where lions probably once ate dudes

: Hole from which dude-eating lions probably came

: Inside the hole from which dude-eating lions probably came

: Temple of Aphrodite

: Walking through the temple ruins

: Still walking

: Yep

: Pieces

: More coffins?

: The monumental gateway from afar

: The odeon

: Didn’t venture out that way, but that kinda looks like the hill from The Teletubbies

: Aphrodisias

: That dude’s cut

: Pervert

: More swamp columns and swamp coffins on the right, I think

: The theater

: Wall of faces

: Faces

: Drunk guy face

: Statue of Liberty face

: Roman soldier face

: Beard made of eels face

: Stacked faces

: Curly-headed fuck

: The Sebasteion

: Relief on The Sebasteion

: All that @$$

: Mr. Hands

Cappadocia

: Balloons being inflated for an early morning ride in a region known as Cappadocia in central Turkey

: What a crazy vehicle the hot air balloon is

: View of the burner from below

: Start it up

: Turkish balloon in flight

: Rising above the strange rock formations of Cappadocia known as “fairy chimneys”

: Floating amongst the fairy chimneys

: Happy tourists

: Bring me a higher love

: Benz

: I’ve always wanted to do this

: The clouds were bullshit, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying the shit out of the experience

: Don’t get popped on them fairy chimneys, yo!

: SO high

: Hovering

: On my Lawnchair Larry grind

: The descent

: The deflation

: Here’s my pilot, a Spanish guy, handing out “Flight Certificates” to everyone that was in our balloon. He really struggled with the Asian names.

: He had no trouble pronouncing “Harry Paratestes” though

: Panorama of Cappadocia by foot

: SUCK IT

: Those are people on that other hill over there

: Beautiful landscape

: Fairy chimneys all over the place

: The Selime Cathedral

: Tunnel leading to the Selime Cathedral

: View from the Selime Cathedral

: According to a local guide, this is where George Lucas originally wanted to film some shit from Star Wars but the Turkish government wouldn’t let him

: Close-up of ancient homes/churches from the photo previous

: Around the Cathedral

: There’s a tourist sitting in the upstairs window

: Here he is up close

: Entrance to the cathedral

: Inside of the cathedral

: More inside

: Stairs leading down to Ilhara Valley

: One of the hundreds of churchs carved in the valley walls

: Wall paintings inside the church

: Is that you, Jesus?

: Really, really old stuff

: My eccentric guide smoking a cigarette in the tree while explaining some historical shit

: This one horny dude duck kept chasing the females until…

: …he finally caught up with one and gave her the business.

: Woman selling handicrafts

: Dude twirling homemade ice cream

: Turkish fro

: Well hello m’lady!

: Rock princess

: Two rock formations that look like a major pair of chodes

: I wandered into a cave in one of the chode formations from the photo previous and found a pair of shit-stained underwear. Weird.

: There was a town built all up into that hill

: Fairy chimneys look like pointy peckers

: Alien boner

: Multiple story home

: Do these look more like candles or wangs?

: Hacli Church

: Inside Hacli Church

: Wall paintings

: Yet another holy dude throwing up the shocker

: At the bottom of this valley I spotted somebody’s home

: Here’s the home of which I speak

: Chillin’ at the home

: Laborin’ out in the field

: The town of Goreme

: Pam?

: Wine–o

: Pool at my hotel. Too bad it was only like 40 degrees out

: Old dudes playing cards in Goreme

: Old dudes chilling in Goreme

: Mustache man

: More old dudes

Hierapolis

: The ruins of Hierapolis are adjacent to the modern city of Pamukkale

: The theater from afar

: Wrecked

: Shambles

: Touristas

: Ancient doorways

: MMMHMM

: The main thoroughfare of Hierapolis

: Grave

: What I believe to be ancient mausoleums have become covered in the sediment from the local hot springs and are now part of the travertines of Pamukkale

: From the background of the photo previous

: Massive arches that were roped off from the public to avoid disaster

: Necropolis

: Ancient graves say the darndest things

: Fields of green

: Women who keep Hierapolis tidy

: The aforementioned roped-off arches up close

: A look through

: The stadium was under renovation

: Fix that shit!

: Toppled

: Wall

: Final resting place

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