Myanmar

Yangon

: National F(L)ag

: Sidestreet Mosque in the Indian part of town

: Muslim street vendor

: Yangon Central Railway Station

: Burmese mofoz like to tag in English

: “Fuck Snitches!”

: “FUCK YA ALL!!!” “eat SHIT$” next to what looks like a load-launching donger

: “Society, you’re crazy indeed. Hope you’re not lonely without me!” (Stabbing self in stomach) “LUV YA ALL!!!”

: Burmese dog ‘n’ kid in their former-capital-city crib

: Kinda hard – if not impossible – to see, but in Myanmar they drive on the right side of the road even though the steering wheel is located on the right side of the car

: Shwedagon Pagoda

: Entrance to Shwedagon Pagoda up close

: Monks in different shaded robes givin it up to Buddha

: Sick mustache

: Shwede Balls Pagoda from the inside

: Big Snake

: Goldmember

: Same mustache man now with a jacket on?

: Dreamy

: Almsgivers sporting umbrellas to keep the 95 degree sun from raping their faces

: Say your prayers

: Burmese electricians have no need for ladders

: One of the few unkempt mansions en route between Shwedagon and Sule Pagodas

: Mansions like the one in the picture previous rarely come without extreme security measures

: Praise Jesus they didn’t have shit like this in the hood during my fence-hopping days. Guts’d be drippin’

: Nevertheless, the natural plant life in the area often covered and made up for the ugly barbed wire and broken glass home defense systems

: Barbed wire distraction

: Flurrrz

: There were more Catholic churches in Burma than I’d been expecting…Dat’s da British influence for your ass

: I have no idea what the sickle & hammer has to do with Christianity

: Sule Pagoda – Downtown Yangon

: Downtown Yangon

: Bustling street on the Indian side of town

: Burmese Indian father & daughter feeding the pigeons

: Dudes n chicks alike walk up and down the street donning these primitive implements, shouting and selling food products to their fellow bros n hoz of Yangon

: Street vender selling the delicious local dish “mohinga” which is best enjoyed at a miniature plastic table far too tiny for the ass of a full-grown adult

: My man sellin areca nut and betel leaves which are chewed by men, women and children alike who get a nicotene-like buzz from the shit as well as horrendously red-stained teeth

: The effect of chewing too much areca nut/betel leaves – vampire/zombie mouf with the occasional red dribble running dried-up down their cheeks ‘n’ chins

: Women arguing at a local market. I can’t believe more people don’t get sick the way the meat sits out in the 90 degree sun day after day until it gets sold

: Guy in a goofy-lookin’ costume collectin’ cash at a Yangon street festival

: Band on the Run – Mobile musicians at aforementioned Yangon street festival

: Same street fest. Who said ladyboys don’t exist in Burma?

: Sule Pagoda from a bridge on the other side of town with one of the coolest clock towers I’ver ever seen on the left.

: Sun-weathered broad beggin’ for Kyats

: Photographing Indian people might’ve been my favorite part of hanging out in Yangon

: A “saikka” or “side car” in English which seemed to be the most popular form of rickshaw in Yangon

: Standard-looking building in the heart of the city

: Bunch of dudes who ain’t got jobs just kickin’ it n playin’ Pachisi on the streets

: Another jobless guy who may have a future in male modeling…well, that or gay porn

: My best imitation of the bum in the picture previous

: Government building across from Sule Pagoda

: Tattoo monk chillin’ at Sule Pagoda

: Sule Pagoda

: The Supreme Court of Burma

: Same shit, different zoom

: Honestly Burmese kid, who doesn’t think Brian Peppers is gay?

: Pack of wifebeaters named after one of my favorite 80s songs

: Mr. Acmee’s been rollin’ with STD’s since 1956 and still hasn’t kicked the bucket yet. Magic Johnson got nothin’ on this motherfucker.

: Myanmar is known as “The Golden Land” and during my time there I saw quite a few men like this one who represented their native land by dying their facial hair that very color. That and/or he’d just returned from a Hajj.

Bagan

: Beginning of the sunrise in Old Bagan

: Breaking through the clouds

: Someone’s gettin’ high

: Mystical

: Morning Eclipse

: Horse & buggy driver in the ubiquitous Burmese man-skirt known as “longyi”

: Htilominlo Temple

: Whereas horse & buggy transportation is the best way for wealthy and/or elderly white visitors to get from temple to temple…

: …outrageously packed motorized vehicles with mofos hangin’ off all sides tend to be the preferred Burmese way around town.

: The Burmese have no qualms whatsoever about riding on the roof of speeding vehicles

: Ananda Phaya – one of the oldest temples in Bagan

: Burmese kids smokin’ cigs at the temple

: Inside Ananda Phaya

: Ananda Phaya in art

: Big Red

: The hottest t-shirt-selling broad in all of Bagan

: Farmer’s home amidst scattered ruins in Old Bagan near Minnanthu Village

: Farmers tendin’ to their crops

: “Living room” of a bamboo hut in Mannanthu Village complete with local movie star pin-ups

: Kitchen of the same house. The “stove” is on the right

: A female villager with her big-headed baby

: Granny rollin’ up the splifs…

: And this broad next to her smokin’ ’em up

: Exhale

: Pa-goat-a

: Bovine melon-chowing session

: Sunset over Old Bagan

: Other on-lookers posted up on adjacent temples to watch the sunset

: Burmese sunfall

: Gettin’ low

: My shitty pictures cannot do this view justice

: Twilight’s last gleaming

: Bye-bye

Mandalay

: Base of Mandalay Hill

: Buddha faced. The dangling ear lobes remind me of this old man teacher from my high school whose ears hung low that we not-so-cleverly referred to as “Mr. Lobes”

: Dude doin’ art with nothing more than paper, ink and a razor blade

: The fruits of my man’s labor

: Sunset from atop Mandalay Hill

: Sandamuni Paya

: Mandalay Hill up behind Sandamuni Paya

: Slightly Stupa’d

: Sandamuni Paya party

: Starflower Tree of Kuthodaw Pagoda. It’s horizontal branches were too heavy for its own power and required extracurricular support.

: Mandalay is the hub of commerce, trade, ideas and, as one shop owner who was over-eager to sell his products had told me, art from all the local tribes native to northern Burma. The following are some pieces from his collection that I did not buy…

: 3 Musketeers

: Jugz

: Gollum?

: Chicago cop stash

: See no evil, say no evil, hear no evil

: All strung out

: Kayan broad carving

: Stanley Ipkiss potential

: Although they did have a few of the traditional refueling stations that I’m used to seeing in developed countries – this is the poor Burmese man’s version of a gas station

: Didn’t think this sort of thing was as popular here as it appeared in neighboring Thailand but even in Myanmar skin-whitening products apparently lead to handsomeness

: Big Hooter at one of the most bizarre monastery/temples I’ve ever seen

: Entrance to this bizarre realm of which I cannot remember the name or find any information on via the www

: Humpty-Dumpty lookin’ ass

: Chocolate ice cream cone in his left hand?

: Snake-enveloped, lobe-danglin’ Buddha action

: .

: Reptile hairpiece lookin’ ass

: Buddha throwin’ down the shocker – total respek

: “I like tuddles”

: Ain’t nothin’ but a Buddha party

: Exorcist head spinning type shit

: Unbelievably, I was the only living boy in this entire complex – Eastern or Western – just walking around an abandoned monastery full of statues who’d been doing all the worshipping

: They come to life when no one’s around

: Fist-pumping almsgiver on the right

: For some reason, one of the big attractions in Mandalay is sticking cameras in the faces of hungry monks who line up to get their meals at a local monastery

: I didn’t really get the big attraction and actually found it absurd how many people gathered to watch this shit

: “The monk bought lunch” – Jim Morrison, “The Soft Parade” 1969

: Fisherman at U Bein bridge spending his early afternoon casting lines and sippin’ on a local nectar known as Hero Whisky

: Hero Whisky – I actually preffered the rival brand, ‘Limp-Dicked Loser Whisky’

: Bridge beggar hangin’ out on U Bein

: While the fisherman of Amarapura got plowed on Hero Whisky, the farmers were hard at work plowing the fields

: Hide-whippin’ cattle driver

: How the other half lives

: Another bridge beggar further down the way

: Sad eyes

: A more actively engaged, non-whiskey sippin’ fisherman puttin’ in work

: Villager ardently sharpening sticks for one reason or another

: A Burmese baby with a mask of the traditional thanaka face paint. Derived from the bark of the tree with the same name, this golden paste is applied to the face mostly by Burmese women and children for its cosmetic properties, protection from the sun as well as a show of national pride.

: Old ruins in Pinya. If you look very, very closely, an orphaned puppy stands guard in the doorway of the temple on the right

: Pinya puppy

: “No Enter – The danger can be occur by (11.11.2012) Earthquake.” Looks like I only missed the temple-toppling assquake by a week

: Almost two century-old swimming pool at the Ava Palace site in Inwa built for spoiled Burmese princesses to have topless chickenfights in back in the day

: Old-ass stone yellow temple – Inwa, Myanmar

: From splendor to shit

: Manbearpig

: Toiling away another day

: Shwenandaw Monastery – An old woody erected in 1880

: A woman juggling two children while balancing a cage full of birds on her head. Hope that cage has a bottom and my girl ain’t gettin’ all shitfaced

: I don’t even want to think about how long it took to carve in all the intricate details on this temple

: Monkey Man

Inle Lake

: Village house – Inle Lake

: Think any of these houses got wi-fi?

: “TATMADAW (the Burmese army) AND THE PEOPLE CO-OPERATE AND CRUSH ALL THOSE HARMING THE UNION”

: Stray cow

: Townies cruisin’ on a boat

: This guy pulled up and clung onto our boat waving the one pitifully small fish he caught then got all pissed off when we didn’t give him any money for snapping a picture of his goofy ass

: Fishermen in Inle Lake are known for their unique foot-paddling technique

: I think that, when foot-paddling, the awkward-looking yet very effective movements of these fishermen resemble the way Vincent D’Onofrio walked as the “sugar…in water” bug-alien guy from the first Men In Black flick

: One more foot-paddling fool for the road

: Gongbangers

: Monks with cauldrons full of Boner Soup

: “Pharmacy” at an Inle Lake floating market

: Individually wrapped chicken foot on sale at the “pharmacy”

: Banana-slinger

: Old Burmese women love smoking cigars

: Burmese bros love napping on boats

: Another candid of a serial napper

: Bowling-pin-lookin-asses

: They ain’t doin’ the YMCA, but here’s a shot of some Village People

: Bathing, dishwashing and laundry are all done in this water. I did not witness anyone using it as a bathroom but I do have my suspicions

: One of many tribal women doing backbreaking labor while the men sit on their asses all day

: You go girl

: Suckin’ it…

: …blowin’ it

: I ain’t want none dem avocados!

: “DONATION FOR TOILET” at a local monastery. I dropped my pants, squatted over this box and contributed the same type of big, brown, stinky donation that I normally give to other toilets

: A no-armed, one-and-a-half legged man doing beautiful artwork, decorating boxes with a paintbrush wedged between his toes

: Yours truly throwing down a SUCK IT alongside some long-necked deep-throat professionals

: Street view of a village on the lake. Venice of the East?

: Laundry day

: Dangerous homemade powerlines a stiff breeze away from having the toaster-in-the-bathtub effect on the whole village

: More cribs on stilts

: Faceless fisherman creeping along

Bago

: The most interesting facet about taking a day trip to Bago is the rocky two-hour train ride from Yangon that made me feel as if I were in a giant paint can shaker.

: Overgrown railroad tracks which, along some parts of the route, looked as if they doubled as a garbage dump.

: Pic that pretty much sums up the ride out to Bago. “No smoking” up in the left hand corner but, as is evidenced by the hand on the bottom right, that is merely a suggestion.

: Bago ticketing office for return tickets to Yangon

: Bago railyard

: Bago skyline highlighted by the 375 ft. tall Shwemadaw Pagoda – the tallest in the country

: One of two strange altars at a Bago hilltop temple

: Here’s the other

: Some visitors at Shwemadaw Pagoda take cover from the sun under a bizarre shaped tree…

: …while others rely on their trusty umbrellas.

: Faded photograph of a decrepit old monk playing with his snake at a place appropriately known as Snake Pagoda

: Snake/Buddha collabo for this statue

: People gather around this snake all day to pray, take pictures and throw money at it.

: Everyone seemed to have a strange religious fascination with this snake

: Burmese Steven Seagal with a fistful of cash at the Snake Temple

: View in the distance from the top of Snake Temple. A lovely garbage dump with scrappy children playing in it.

: Temple art. Bizarre Jesse Jackson lookalike

: Depressing group of dudes gettin’ fucked up, smokin’ cigs with no girls around. I know that game all too well

: Intergalactic romance

: More awesome temple art. I wish we had green fire-throwing mofos in our catechism

: Spiteful Elephant

: Icarus wannabe

: .

: Moonraker Elite

: Enlightenment

: Studious monks learnin’ it up, yo. Wonder if the jag-offs sit in the back of the class chuckin’ shit around and shining laser-pointers at the teacher the way kids get down in the good ol’ US of A

: You ever seen a sky with such a deep shade of blue?

: SUCK IT with the Buddhas!

: Assisting the Buddha in a booger pick. I told a kid selling stuff that if he could climb up into and pose for a picture from the Buddha’s ear that I’d buy all the postcards he’d been selling. The thing’s so big he couldn’t even make it up onto the Buddha’s arm but tried diligently which I have nothing but respect for.

: .

: A very Bagan-esque temple on the outskirts of Bago

: Anatomically correct statue of a manbeast at a temple complete with a puckered-up butthole

: Super gay statue with a cell phone tucked into his waistband and his joint dangling over my face

: Ah, yes, one of my last sights in Burma. The quintessential Asian flat top on which you could balance a bucket of paint.