Kenya

Nairobi

: The metropolitan area of Nairobi, the capital of Kenya, has a population of about 6.5 million people

: I didn’t spend much time in Kenya – only three nights in Nairobi before taking a shuttle south to the Tanzanian border en route to Kilimanjaro.

: The Kenyatta International Convention Center is 344-feet-tall and has an observation deck atop

: View of Nairobi from above

: Q: What did 50 Cent say to this old Kenyan lady? A: G-g-gee, you knit?

: Did you guys know that OBAMA truly believes in this legend burger meal that KFC’s offering right now in Nairobi? Yeah, some guy named Jammo Obama thinks it’s the shit. And KANYE says, “It’s the greatest of all time.” Kanye Otieno, that is.

: Got love for all the haters

: Housewife’s paradise. A place where they sell appliances. Seeing that was kinda like stepping in a time machine back to the 1950s

: Fresh fruit

: They got fuckin’ Stanley Ipkiss sellin’ pizzas over here

: Empire bus

: I liked this dude’s style

: Can I get a sip?

: You’re the man now, dawg

: Pimp

: 1 USD ≈ 102 Kenyan Shillings

: Found these gems being sold on the street. The socks were kinda wet like they’d just been taken off someone’s feet but they were too funny to pass up

: I matched with someone on Tinder who turned out not to be a real person but some sort of automaton that invites people to top secret Kenyan orgies. I guarantee if I showed up to this event, it’d be me and like twenty-five other dudes lookin’ at each other, scratchin’ our heads, wonderin’ where all the chicks are at

: Page 2 of the orgy invite

: A Big Boss glory hole

: This photo was taken somewhere between Nairobi and the border with Tanzania at a rest area where shuttle passengers could grab some refreshments, use the bathroom and/or buy locally produced handicrafts. Shockingly, some guy who worked there had been wearing a CFD uniform shirt. That’s my brother there in the background. He and I went up to the guy and were like, “Whoa, dude, our dad’s a Chicago fireman! That’s really amazing! Can we take a photo of you?” He didn’t share our enthusiasm and, after the photo had been taken, expressed his desire for our money.

: Creepy Maasai lady who stared at me on the other side of that window for half-an-hour while crossing the border into Tanzania

: Super creepy