Jordan Trail

: The Jordan Trail is an approximately 680km trek spanning the length of Jordan, running from Um Qais in the north to Aqaba on the Red Sea in the south and passing through 52 villages and towns along the way. (Photo courtesy of jordantrail.org)

: “The Jordan Trail 2019” – The fully supported 2019 thru-hike was conducted in reverse, starting at the Red Sea in the south and running up to Um Qais in the north. At a casual pace, it took 44 days to complete.

1. Aqaba to Wadi Rum (approx. 112km)

: Starting point on the Red Sea in Aqaba

: Gaining some elevation as we hike up and away from the Red Sea

: No shortage of mountains throughout the entirety of the Jordan Trail

: Mustafa, the group’s security guard, hitching a ride on camelback

: Super comfy plush emoji pillows purchased in Amman which I enjoyed thoroughly every night of the trek

: Someone striking a Captain Morgan pose above the valley we’d just climbed out of

: One of my favorite aspects of this particular section of the trek had been the wide open spaces. If you wanted to talk to one of the other thru-hikers, you could. If you wanted to be alone, you didn’t have to walk within a hundred yards of anyone else. There was plenty of space for your mind and body to really breathe.

: Check out this wicked camel toe

: The morning spread – this was what breakfast looked like pretty much every day, prepared over a fire by local Bedouin “service providers”. There was always hard-boiled eggs. thyme, olive oil, bread, hummus, fasoolia (beans), goat cheese, tomato and cucumber, sometimes butter, sometimes apricot jam and several other things I put in my face on a daily basis but had been too lazy to bother to learn the names of

: Approaching Wadi Rum desert

: On the left is one of the many bizarre sandstone structures for which Wadi Rum is famous

: A deflated helium balloon whose string had been pinned down by a rock atop a sandstone hill I’d been climbing that says “with love” in Hebrew. I wonder what the story is behind this – how it ended up there. Perhaps the result of some illicit Jew/Muslim love affair? Shout out to Howie Boy for the translation!

: Judging by it’s shape and hollow inside, if I turned it teeth-down and top of the head facing away from me, I think this goat head would make a perfect all-natural, organic athletic cup to insert in my jockstrap and protect my fragile genitals from harm while engaging in sport

: Know what? I don’t think y’all bitchz is ready for this here shadow dick. Oh yeah? You think you ready? You think you can handle this shadow dick? Nah. I don’t believe you. I don’t think you can handle this shadow dick.

: Dead silent desert sunset during which not a thought passed through my brain. Very, very peaceful moment for me

: Gettin’ deeper into Wadi Rum

: Shepherds with pickup parked letting their animals (all those tiny dots on the left half of the photo) graze in the field

: Wheel of Fortune style Before & After: This place is so beautiful that I nearly blew my Wadi Rum

: Even though the air was pretty chilly while walking through Wadi Rum, the sun was brutal. Any exposed skin got F’n toasted quick-like hurry-up. I kept wondering what I’d do if someone made me strip naked and stole all my clothes and dropped me off in the middle of this desert. There was nowhere to hide. Maybe I’d try to bury myself in the sand during daylight hours for protection. I dunno. I’m glad it didn’t happen.

: A camel family walking along there at the bottom of this massive sandstone structure

: Bedouin home

: If you didn’t know the context and weren’t aware that the pickup in the photo is a Toyota and not a Ford, you could probably mistake this scene for something out the lyrics of some redneck country song about the southwestern United States

: Super hot, ancient-ass foot fetish petroglyph pornography

: God damn those are some hot feet

: One dude on the thru-hike said that one of his high school teachers had once-upon-a-time mentioned that scorpions light up like crazy if you shine a black light on ’em. He never forgot that and brought one with just in case he spotted one. Here’s the result

: A classic Bedouin fire surrounded by the omni-present kettles for tea with sugar (lots and lots of sugar), tea without sugar (the amount of sugar most people normally would normally apply to tea), and hot water for instant coffee. Every night, guides and guests alike would crowd around to sip, to smoke cigs like there’s no tomorrow and to sing traditional Bedouin songs

: Approaching Wadi Rum Village

: Standing in the black is Muhammad Zayideen, one of the two Muhammads (“Muhammadain” – former shepherds) who were the first to complete the Jordan Trail thru-hike a couple years back

: Walking through Rum Village

: Check out that old-ass turquoise truck

: On this day we barely made it to camp before Mother Nature pounded the desert sand with a mighty hailstorm from above. On the top of those mountains in the back right of the photo, you can see the snow accumulating. Not the first thing that comes to mind when you conjure up stereotypical images of a Middle Eastern desert

: Jabal Rum Camp – where we were fortunate enough to be when the aforementioned hailstorm totally bucked the desert’s futt

: Inside the tent where I spent the night at Jabal Rum Camp

: Main tent at Jabal Rum Camp where meals and drinks were served. They even had a fire going in there to heat the place until they realized there’s zero ventilation and so much smoke had built-up that you could barely see across the room

: Sunset from Jabal Rum Camp

: Sunset from Jabal Rum Camp Part Deux

2. Wadi Rum to Petra (approx. 90km)

: Enjoying the novelty of this big-ass sand dune

: Dryer than your granny’s va-jay-jay

: A sand dune SUCK IT for all you chode-lickin’ pranksters out there

: “You see I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert you can remember your name ’cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain. La laaa la la la laaa…”

: To put this in perspective for you, those two dots over there in the middle of that arch are people

: Lone Bedu and his camels sauntering away at sunset

: View from where the photo previous was taken

: The “vast, echoing and God-like” – as Lawrence of Arabia put it – scenery of Wadi Rum has been used by various cinematographers over the years to represent the planet Mars on the big screen – most recently and notably that 2015 Matt Damon flick “The Martian” that I have no interest in seeing

: Hey, that the new Toyota Camel? How many miles to the gallon you get on that thing?

: Curly dirt on the desert floor

: Loner

: Abd sandwiched by Muhammadain around an indoor garbage can fire inside a tent at a Bedouin camp

: Love Shack

: Loved this style of coat. Perfect for those freezing-ass desert nights

: Here’s where we (sadly) left behind the mystical sands and wide-open spaces of the Wadi Rum desert to descend into a rocky canyon

: Shady

: Hate to be down here during a flash flood

: Doesn’t this rock look like a filet of salmon?

: Smooth rocks

: Fellow thru-hikers on the far left of the photo making their way out of the canyon we’d just traversed

: This rock looked like some sort of honey-drizzled pastry or a stack of pancakes with syrup dripping down the side

: Out here it’s easy to forget what civilization is

: Trekkers making their way around the bend there in the middle of the photo and descending towards the right

: Yo, how you get like that?

: Dude, where are we?

: Follow the leader

: Last night camping out before our arrival at Petra. Typical tent setup for the 2019 Jordan Trail thru-hike

: Petra, here we come

: Perhaps the most dangerous day of hiking on the trail? Not really dangerous if you’re reasonably cautious. But if you’re fuckin’ around trying to take stupid selfies or whatever, yeah…I could see you ending up at the bottom of this here gorge

: Guide Qussai on the bottom left of the photo betting his life on the stability of a rock overhanging a several-hundred-foot drop to the valley floor below

: Lunch spot on the outskirts of the ancient Nabatean city Petra

: Hardcore ass-riding

: Approaching Petra

: Ain’t it crazy how they carved that shit?

: Al-Kazneh, or “The Treasury”, as featured in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”

: All around The Treasury were these dudes with eye makeup on, sellin’ shit who all looked like fuckin’ Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?

: Clever name, bro

3. Petra to Dana (approx. 73km)

: There’d been a decent amount of Saddam decals throughout the country which is understandable given the amount of Iraqi refugees in Jordan – some of whom long for the stability once provided under the dictator’s iron fist rule. But Hitler? I can’t provide any rational explanation why someone in an Arab country would wanna drive around with a Hitler decal on their vehicle. Perhaps they’re of Palestinian descent and wanna express their animosity towards Israel with a historical cheap shot that suggests being in favor of Jewish extermination? Not sure

: Generic Snickers. Tasted like shit

: Walking past The Treasury one more time on our way out of Petra

: Looks kinda like the way a sandcastle does at the beach after getting hit by a rainstorm. No matter what you’re made of, sooner or later Mother Nature’s gonna take you down

: Hey bro, I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin, but your penis kinda reminds me of an anteater’s face

: Flag of Jordan

: Ad Deir – “The Monastery”

: My favorite ingredient

: Hiker on the right side of the photo taking a rest along the trail running north out of Petra

: Chill spot up in the mountains

: The group slowly but surely moving along

: A frog on the road pretending to be dead so as to not be noticed by our group as we go hiking past

: Little bit of flat terrain amid all the rocks

: Rocks on rocks on rocks

: I stumbled upon the filming of Backdoor Bugs Part 2. Spoiler alert: He finishes on her face at the end of the flick

: Buncha different colored mountains ‘n’ shit

: That there’s some impressive geology, yes sir

: Descending from the mountains back down into the Jordan Rift Valley…

: …and then eventually climbing up into Dana.

: Dana sits at the top of that hill way up in the distance

: Looking back on the trail after having gained some elevation

: Higher, yes, but not quite there

: Old homes laying in ruin on the outskirts of Dana

: Arrival to the village of Dana

4. Dana to Karak (approx. 85km)

: Climbing out of Dana following a day of rest

: One last look back at this wadi before climbing over to the other side of the mountain and continuing north. That little beige spot among the green on the left of the photo is Dana

: A shepherd’s dog angrily barking at us as we walk past his flock. The spiked collar, I was told, is used by the dog to run up and jab sheep when they step out of line and start to wander. Some dogs would get pretty aggressive and run right up to the hikers, savagely barking in our faces. If this happened, our guide Lama suggested we – even if there weren’t any rocks on the ground – quickly bend down to pretend we’re picking up a rock to throw at them and they’ll quickly cower away in fear because they’ve probably been pelted a million times over by the shepherds. I did use this technique on several occasions and can attest to its functionality

: Paving a new road. Up on the rig above the passenger door it says, “IT’S GOOD MAN. IT’S GOOD TRUCK”

: Interesting place for a plot of farmland

: Another of the many beautifully serene valleys along the Jordan Trail

: Apparently, the trail runs through this here culvert

: Yeah, love is for losers

: Got it

: You think this construction worker was really tyin’ one on last night or is he just a poseur, frontin’ with that sweatshirt?

: Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, little buddy

: Lunch spot

: Basha, the group’s beloved water-lugging donkey

: Goin’ down

: Look at all those jerrycans. You like…dare me to pee in these people’s water supply?

: Mini-amusement park at the bottom of a valley in which we set up camp one night. Looked like it’d have made the perfect setting for a horror film

: Climbing out the valley the next day

: Qussai laughing after having ran down the side of a very steep slope, chasing after one of the hiker’s backpacks as it tumbled towards a steep drop-off to the valley below. It was a heroic feat and amazing to witness but a bit reckless and could easily have “ended in tears” as one of the hikers put it. I never would’ve done something like that. It’s just a bag, bro – one belonging to someone stupid enough to set it down in a spot where it might go tumbling down a cliff. It ain’t worth anyone’s life

: I like tuddles

: Jordan experienced an exceptionally rainy spring in 2019 which resulted in very, very green scenery like this for us to enjoy throughout the northern half of the country

: We came along the ridge on the left of this valley and were continuing along to the right

: Town seen up there on the left as we exited the valley from the photo previous

: How I dried my laundry after I washed it in the sink on nights we’d be staying in hotels

5. Karak to Wadi Zarqa (approx. 75km)

: Karak Castle

: Mahmoud, the donkey man, guiding Basha through the streets of Karak

: “Household Appliances: Everything that a housewife needs”

: Two guys with whom I stopped to have a chat in very basic Arabic while making our way out of Karak

: As a way of saying “ahlan wa sahlen”, the two men in the photo previous insisted I take this box of cookies with me as a gift. And to them I give a heartfelt “shukran”

: Fuck you/ I love you – sounds like a love hate relationship

: A dumpster full of dead rotting animal skins which I could smell from a mile away

: Guide Muhammad Hamran enjoying a smoke while everyone packs into this half-built house on the side of the road for temporary shelter from the rain. That night, it ended up storming terribly with brutal winds, heavy hail and dangerously close lightning strikes forcing us to evacuate camp around 3am. A bus came and picked us up and took us back to the hotel at which we stayed in Karak where we took a zero day and dried out all our belongings while waiting for the rains to pass

: Hey buddy, faqq u!

: In the black is a local shepherd and to his left is his flock. On the right of the photo is a group of hikers taking a break before we begin our descent into the valley and make our way towards the Dead Sea way out there in the distance

: Buncha goats

: Me taking a rest at the top of the valley, sitting on a pair of rocks that formed a perfectly comfortable reclining chair

: Qussai with Zayideen on top, posing in the sort of perfectly green meadow you’d see on a box of 24-hour non-drowsy Claritin

: On the far right of the photo, those dots on the green is a group of hikers making their way along the edge of the valley

: Local dude just hangin’ out doin’ local dude stuff

: And now we go back down again

: Nice little river

: The only thing that’s lacking is a cloud of butterflies hovering around me

: Damian here, a bit on the misanthropic side of the spectrum, probably liked interacting with Basha the donkey more than he did with most fellow humans on the trek

: Bang-Yu all night long

: A horny fellow

: Making our final approach to the Dead Sea

: Fancy lunch at some swanky joint overlooking the Dead Sea. At 430m (1,412ft) below sea level, the shores of the Dead Sea are the Earth’s lowest elevation on land. The water in the Dead Sea is more than nine times saltier than that of the ocean making it very difficult for plants and animals to survive nearby – thus the origin of its name

6. Wadi Zarqa to Salt (approx. 85km)

: Another rainy day on the trail

: Seeking shelter from the rain against this rock wall while the guides discuss how we’re gonna cross the mini river resulting from that diarrhea waterfall in the back center of the photo

: The biggest boss that you seen thus far (photo courtesy of @therealhikingviking)

: Our guide Lama showing off a fossil she’d come across

: Kids stepping out of their home to watch the strange group of white foreigners walk past

: Guess this is a chain of liquor store here in Jordan. Wonder if it’s from where that construction worker had gotten his “Hangover Hoodie”

: Homos melt in your mouth and not in your hand (photo courtesy of Jonathan Isaac)

: The tiny white dots on that hill on the right are sheep grazing

: Deliciously racist snacky cake

: Making our way down to that ragin’ rainwater river on the right of the photo we’re gonna hafta cross

: The guides tied a cable on each side of the river we could hold onto so we wouldn’t get washed away

: Mahmoud looking bored while waiting for everyone to cross the river

: Basha with a banana peel that Zayideen hung on his face inside an abandoned building we encountered along the trail

: A Hellenistic palace known as Qasr al-Abd or “Castle of the Slave/Servant” which was built in 200BC

: Hey bro, sweet door. But uh…where’s the rest of your house?

: Rocks with strings tied around them that are attached to plants on the other side of the wall. I was told this is a method that encourages whatever plant it’s attached to to grow up and over the wall here

: Everyone crowding around burning brush during lunchtime on another cold, rainy day on the trail

: The sun came out the next day

: Bunch of these fuckers blockin’ the trail on a steep, slippery hillside

: The city of as-Salt (population 89,000) in the distance

: Dead dog crushed by rocks on the road leading to Salt

: Approaching Salt

: In Salt

: At least he’s able to be honest with himself

: Ya heard me?

: You won’t shit right for a week

: A closer look at Salt

: Respect the Mustaches

: Bread is a gift from God and thus shouldn’t be thrown in the garbage or go to waste. That’s why in Jordan you’ll see bags of bread left to the side of dumpsters instead of thrown inside them – to potentially feed the poor or maybe even some hungry animals that come across it

7. Salt to Ajloun (approx. 63km)

: Another scene of green

: Que putas!? Que es eso? Una cajita de culos o que?

: Parking my meat in his dick garage

: A major contender for most scenic campsite along all of the Jordan Trail

: View from the inside of my tent looking out over Talal Dam

: Unfortunately, as we’d find out the following morning, Talal Dam isn’t as beautiful up close as it appeared to be from up at our campsite. That’s a lot of fuckin’ garbage

: World’s largest waterslide – weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

: Some hot interspecies action

: First one to throw a peanut into Connie’s mouth wins!

: So very many flowers this time of year

8. Ajloun to Um Qais (approx. 80km)

: This is it – the final stretch

: Believe it or not – there is actually some forest in Jordan

: Acorn Cossack

: Lovely, innit?

: Just chillin’ atop some Roman ruins. No big deal

: Bee boxes

: Looks like the Mystery Machine. A couple of our guides ended up sleeping in there during our last night out camping

: The final morning of the final day

: Last green field

: The finish line. I was supposed to be posing for a group photo here but couldn’t resist pulling out my camera to snap some shots of my own when I saw this overloaded pickup passing by

: “I like your style, dude.” – Sam Elliot

: The quote unquote “Naughty Children” of the 2019 thru-hike (photo stolen from @damianc00k)

: 2019 Jordan Trail thru-hikers and guides/support team (photo courtesy of @alibstudios)

: And now the sun sets over the ruins at Um Qais, drawing to a close a beautiful experience in a country, I learned firsthand, that is best explored by foot

Video: Jordan Trail 2019 Thru-Hike

In case you didn’t get enough of the Jordan Trail from my photos, here’s a little video I threw together using footage I’d gathered on the 2019 thru-hike. Enjoy!