Italy

Rome

: This guy made eye contact with me the entire time during my first meal in Italy. I didn’t know if he wanted me to tip him for his beautiful and stereotypically Italian-sounding accordion playing or for me to be so charmed by his sweet soulful romances that I’d let him violate me with his sausage and meatball combo.

: Page from an Italian magazine: “Be stupid”

: Via Ottaviano

: Completed in 134 AD – Ponte Sant’Angelo spanning the Tiber in front of Castel Sant’Angelo

: Ponte Sant’Angelo street view

: Castel Sant’Angelo, or the Mausoleum of Hadrian, was built between 135 and 139 AD. Originally designed as the eternal resting spot for Roman Emperor Hadrian and his family, over the years this structure has served as a fortress, a castle, a prison and currently functions as a museum.

: The beast up close and from the side. Also shown – a bald headed man who crept into the bottom of my photo

: Outside the castle, a golden pharaoh that bows each time you toss change in his/her bucket. Must’ve been hotter than hell in that outfit.

: Adjacent bridge running parallel to Ponte Sant’Angelo

: Gotsta stay fresh

: Altare della Patria (Altar of the Fatherland) built in the early 1900s to honor Victor Emmanuel II – the first king of a unified Italy.

: Is that…is that fuckin’ Teddy Roosevelt up on that horse?

: Ruins of old, toppled to the ground and doing little more than at this point in time than resembling a circle of giant stone boners

: Egyptian obelisk lookin’ ass

: A Bernini-sculpted pachyderm serving as the base to one of the eleven Egyptian obelisks in Rome

: The Pantheon gettin’ some work did

: Originally built to honor all the gods of Ancient Rome, the Pantheon has been used as a Catholic Church since the 7th century

: Think anyone’s ever shit their pants in the Pantheon during its 1800+ years of existence? I do.

: Think Lil’ Jon’s ever been to the Pantheon? Yeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

: Mo’ obeliskz, mo’ problemz

: Horny Italians using their soldier costumes to get close and grind on hot tourist bitches

: Yet another Egyptian obelisk

: The remaining bars of an ancient jail cell in which law-breaking giants were incarcerated.

: The Palace of Justice

: Road-head on a chariot? When in Rome…

: Rome’s world-famous Lemon Party monument

: It blows my mind that pieces of ancient civilization exist among modern buildings and neighborhoods in Rome. The closest thing we got in my hood are abandoned houses with rock-shattered windows that neither get nor deserve any love.

: Wild

: A Coliseum “arch”rival

: Mmmkay

: The ancient arches from The Theater of Marcellus

: As of 2012, Palazzo Orsini was for sale by owner and priced at 26 million Euros

: Backside view of the Victor Emmanuel monument

: Naked-ass horse-humper

: A couple more zoophiliacs

: With some parts dating all the way back to the 7th century BC, the Roman Forum sits in toppled ruin.

: So schweet

: I wonder if the builders of these structures could’ve forseen the day when their work would look like this

: Palatine Hill from the Forum side

: All falls down

: An Italian performer at the Colosseum doin’ his best Indonesian Treeman impression

: Paved roads leading to the place where Russell Crowe had once upon a time taken some names and kicked some ass

: The Colosseum

: Approaching the Arch of Septimius Severus

: Archie Bunker

: A lower-case “t” for “time to leave” – The Colosseum

: Where da Gladiators at?

: The hypogeum, or “underground,” where gladiators and animals were held in cages before contests

: Stadium seating with ancient attendance estimates of up to 87,000. The modern calculations are more around 50,000. Who do you believe?

: Half of the stadium flooring in place and the other half remaining skeletal with the hypogeum exposed to show contrast.

: Yep

: Yes