A young Chicagoan's strange erotic journey around the globe
Area near Chorsu Bazaar
Chicks sellin’ strawberries
Exterior of Chorsu Bazaar – “Chorsu” being the Persian word for “crossroads.” Also in this photo is a sign that looks like it says “GO SHIT”.
Chorsu Bazaar interior
Business as usual
Ya boi ‘n’ a young Uzbek vender
Just really good friends?
Like many ex-Soviet capitals, modern Tashkent has totally unnecessary 8-lane boulevards cutting through the city which are often flanked by monumental structures – the regime’s way of flexin’ they nuts.
Building near our hotel
Someone Facebook liked this building
There are only three rules to enter this government building: No purses, no guns & no soda bottles!
Exclusive Man: The retail outlet where 4 out of 5 male chauvinists prefer to buy their clothing
What dat place is?
The capital city had a lot of these cultural, nationalistic billboards all over the place.
Try getting longer brooms perhaps?
Blue, white and green are the colors of Uzbekistan’s flag.
Lot of seemingly outdated rides in the capital city that came in every color you could imagine
What? You yella?
Near Chorsu Bazaar
The yellow piping in the background there supplies gas to this old residential neighborhood.
Women walking past the gas lines in the photo previous
Bros in front of a convenient store
Super Saloon moblie
Here’s where the residential neighborhood ended, giving way to Hast Imam Square
Kids riding bikes in Hast Imam Square
Tourists & the faithful
Uzbek girls in school clothing
Group of Russian tourists
Kids waving from atop a tree near Hast Imam Square
I’ve never seen kids poking out of the top of a tree like that. It was actually pretty sweet. Wish I’d thought of that back in the day.
Fountain inside a mall where I had to stop to take a diarrhea
Art inside the mall
Mannequin legs ready for some stand-up 69 action
Put a Bieber sticker on this napkin-holder thingy at a restaurant where we ate lunch. He fit right in.
Statue of Amir Timur
Timur again with the Soviet-era Hotel Uzbekistan on the left
Timur from the side. After having visited this statue, I read online that someone stole the horse’s penis. Had I known this beforehand, I would’ve done some investigating and checked it out. From this angle, the thing could either be hidden by the beast’s leg or it could really be a castrated equestrian.
The hotel receptionist was very attractive, spoke perfect English and was studying to be a lawyer. In spite of this Bieber-inspired love note, I failed to get any stank for my hang-low.
I encountered this place after I just finished eating a HUGE dinner. Wish I had an appetite to try it out. I mean, this had probably been the only opportunity I’d ever have to try out the Uzbekistani take on Mexican cuisine.
“BURGER LAND” in a Burger King style logo and “Pizza HOT” which sounds a lot like Pizza Hut but, at the same time, clearly and shamelessly steals Papa John’s “Better Ingredients. Better Pizza.” slogan.
I got really pissed off then ate a big meal at Angers Food
Front lawn cockfights in the capital city
Unlike the cockfights I saw in Manila, these guys didn’t have blades attached to their legs or beaks.
A big, thick, powerful cock
“You are now entering the fifth dimension of ascension. Our only intention is to take you high…”
Difficult to see here, but just outside Tashkent I saw this minivan packed to the max with livestock.
An exclamation-point-shaped “toilet”
Massive bird’s nest atop a pole along a highway outside of town
Woman tending to the field where we stopped off to purchase some fresh strawberries from a stand on the side of the highway.
1USD is equal to somewhere around 2100 Uzbek Som. Since the highest denomination of som is the 1000 som bill, the exchange of 100USD results in a George Costanza wallet.
An Alaskan dude named Leopard flashing his $100 worth of som
When eating as a group, bills at the restaurant could run as high as the Uzbek equivalent of $400 US dollars. Since the largest bill is only worth fifty cents, it took teams of people to count the 1000s of bills we’d throw on the table to cover the costs. They really need to update their currency.
Waiter showing off his baby
Tire store? I don’t know what the hell that is.
His eyebrows look like squirts of toothpaste.
Young bro & sis. The kid on the left was playing with a knife.
Although 90% of Uzbekistan is Muslim, drinking is largely popular. This may be due to the lack of religious fundamentalism in the country paired with a heavy Russian influence.
Old man next to an old building
Statue of Nasreddin Hodja which was very popular with the locals
Heading towards the statue of Nasreddin Hodja
Mosque or madrasa?
Stupid me – can’t remember the significance of this face, but it appeared on quite a few Uzbek religious structures and even the currency.
Warding off evil spirits?
An Australian dude named Joe riding the Hodja statue as a young Uzbek girl holds his hand
Silk road traveler of old
Same dude up close
Carpets for sale
Woman from the photo previous
Old Soviet gear
Old school Commie pilot hat
Me in a fuckin’ General Ourumov hat with Greg, an Australian guy, in the pilot cap.
Uzbek people chillin’ out
Who doesn’t seem to fit in here?
A mum and her boy
A hard look from cane man
“America, fuck yeah!”
A two-sworded ciggie SUCK IT!
Them domes look like a pair of lobsided titties
Streetside ceramic sale
Two Uzbek women who’d just been rescued by Superman watch their hero fade away as he flies off into the distance…
As much as I’d like to say this shit was real, they were actually filming a movie on location in Bukhara.
Big ass mosque
Courtyard of what I believe had been Kalon Mosque
Courtyard view from inside the structure shown two photos ago
Chinese tourists not caring who they whacked in the face with their tripods as long as they got that perfect photo they were after
This group of old Uzbek dudes liked to tour the area as a rapidly moving cluster.
Same guys in a bunch
Same guys in a line
Kid resting his feet
Mom and kid
Different mom and kid
Same mom and kid with kid chewing on a bottle top
This fuckin’ truck had trouble passing through one of the narrow alleyways in a residential Bukhara neighborhood.
Guy wriggling out
Same dude climbing out
Stroller full of beer bottles
Photos of old criminals at Zindon Prison
More prisoners. Uzbek jail ain’t somewhere you wanna be
Painting of a trial…methinks
Photo of a photo being taken
Old cig-suckin’ carpet salesman
Yurt camp where I’m told that I, during a $1-bottle-of-vodka-overload induced blackout, had left “looking like WWII.” Apparently I punched the fellow traveler pictured in the stomach, threw a bunch of ceramic tea pots around, peed all over the kitchen, tossed all the chairs on the roof then woke everyone up while screaming slurred & warbled death threats to the camp staff. Cost of damage for the evening $50USD. Memory of another embarrassing blackout as told by disappointed/disgusted people around me: Priceless.
I think signs like this were indicators of what town we were entering. Then again, I’m a stupid American jackass who can read Cyrillic, so I have no idea.
Ridin’ dat ass
Another strange sign
Shitty photo of how beds are transported in Samarkand
Another stolen Burger King logo
Gur-e Amir – Persian for “Tomb of the King”
Amir Temur (1336-1405) – The king
Swissy SUCK IT
Gur-e Amir interior
Wall design up close
Women praying and/or weeping at the king’s tomb
Side of Gur-e Amir
Leaving Gur-e Amir
Mural seen on the way to the Registan
Same mural different view
The Registan which translates to “sandy place” in Persian
Ulugh Beg Madrasa built during the Timurid Empire in the 15th century
Dad and kid posing in front of Tilya-Kori Madrasa
Different angle of the Registan
Face and tiger on the Sher-Dor, or “having tigers,” Madrasa as well as the 200 som bill
Inside one of the madrasas
The Registan in art
Just like in Bukhara, another woman with a steaming pot. Again, not sure what this is because I was really drunk while in Uzbekistan, but think it had something to do with warding off evil spirits.
Man in a “telpek” which looks like an early Jermaine Jackson style afro
The dome of Sher-Dor madrasa had been under repair.
Primitive scaffolding – whatever gets the job done
The locals loved Joe, were fascinated by his beard and constantly wanted photos with him
At the market
Not sure what those fruits are
Another woman selling dat shit
Man and wife
The second I saw this man, I needed to photograph him from every angle
It’s the fuckin’ Uzbek Babe Ruth
“Das good, no?”
Dude at the market
At a market, a classic Central Asian unibrow worn proudly, as if it were a badge of honor.
Bakin’ sweets, stackin’ treats
Front of Bibi Khanym Mosque
Side of Bibi Khanym Mosque
Is that entrance up to code?
Bibi Khanym dome
Up ahead on the right is the courtyard in front of Bibi Khanym Mosque
Baby at Bibi
Can’t recall which mosque this was an entrance to
Kickin’ it in front of the entrance from the photo previous
Graves near Shah-I-Zinda necropolis
Muslim girl at the necropolis
Women at the necropolis
Funny picture of a weightlifter on the right there next to the flag of Uzbekistan
Take that, 5D cinema!!!
Café Chicago – my home away from home. Just kidding. We went in there and there were only two guys in there playing cards with techno blasting so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think.
Biggie lyrics on a t-shirt at a supermarket
Strangely placed couch
3 generations of Uzbek women
Fistful of som. For a few som more
The following ten or so photos are Khiva in art
Kid crushin’ an ice cream cone
Me gettin’ a tug job from a dude in a telpek
Woman selling scarves
On da phone
Young man in bizarre outfit
Shades woman up close
Three similar looking guys
Couple or daddy/daughter? Maybe both. Who’s yo’ daddy?
Think this guy was wasted
Potentially wasted guy up close
Sellin’ them greens
Seeds and spice and everything nice
Portrait hanging behind the desk in the lobby of the hotel
Bizarre artist take on Khiva
Outer space minarets
Another strange one
Minaret boner and dome balls
Fergana City & Transit to Kyrgyz Border
Heading towards the Kyrgyz border
Scenic spot where we stopped off for a bit
Photo of a photo being taken
“Smile fo’ me daddy, let me see ya grill…” Mouf full uh dat Uzbek gold – Grills are unbelievably common in Central Asia and relatively cheap as well with one estimate putting them at approx. $150 per tooth. I almost can’t afford to NOT trick out my smile while I’m up in this bitch
Another Uzbek man
Looks like shes dancin’
Kid with balloons
Another gold grill
“A pleasure stay”
Radio set-up in a silk shop
Kid in the street
Group SUCK IT
Never seen a kid so happy to be wearing a cowboy hat